1998 Darwin Nominees
In September in Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of water after squeezing head first through
an 18-inch-wide sewer grate to retrieve his car keys
In October, a 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who "totally zoned when he ran," according to his wife, accidentally
jogged off a 200-foot-high cliff on his daily run
Buxton, NC: A man died on a beach when an 8-foot-deep hole he had dug into the sand caved in as he sat inside it. Beachgoers
said Daniel Jones, 21, dug the hole for fun, or protection from the wind, and had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom
Thursday afternoon when it collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach, on the outer banks, used their
hands and shovels, trying to claw their way to Jones, a resident of Woodbridge, VA, but could not reach him. It took rescue
workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him while about 200 people looked on Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.=20
In February, Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed in Lompoc, CA, as he fell face-first through the ceiling of a bicycle shop
he was burglarizing. Death was caused when the long flashlight he had placed in his mouth (to keep his hands free) rammed
into the base of his skull as he hit the floor
According to police in Dahlonega, GA, ROTC cadet Nick Berrena, 20, was stabbed to death in January by fellow cadet Jeffrey
Hoffman, 23, who was trying to prove that a knife could not penetrate the flakvest Berrena was wearing.
Sylvester Briddell, Jr , 26, was killed in February in Selbyville,Del, as he won a bet with friends who said he would not
put a revolver loaded with four bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger
In February, according to police in Windsor, Ont , Daniel Kolta, 27, and Randy Taylor, 33, died in a head-on collision,
thus earning a tie in the game of chicken they were playing with their snowmobiles
In September, a 7-year-old boy fell off a 100-foot-high bluff near Ozark, Ark , after he lost his grip swinging on a cross
that marked the spot where another person had fallen to his death in 1990
DARWIN AWARD HONOURABLE MENTIONS
In Guthrie, Okla , in October, Jason Heck tried to kill a millipede with a shot from his 22-caliber rifle, but the bullet
ricocheted off a rock near the hole and hit pal Antonio Martinez in the head, fracturing his skull
In Elyria, Ohio, in October, Martyn Eskins, attempting to clean out cobwebs in his basement, declined to use a broom in
favor of a propane torch and caused a fire that burned the first and second floors of his house
Paul Stiller, 47, was hospitalized in Andover Township, NJ, in September, and his wife Bonnie was also injured, by a quarter-stick
of dynamite that blew up in their car. While driving around at 2 AM, the bored couple lit the dynamite and tried to toss it
out the window to see what would happen, but they apparently failed to notice that the window was closed
Taking "Amateur Night" Too Far: In Betulia, Colombia, an annual festival in November includes five days of amateur bullfighting.
This year, no bull was killed, but dozens of matadors were injured, including one gored in the head and one Bobbittized. Said
one participant, "It's just one bull against [a town of] a thousand Morons"
and SOME MORE ALSO RANS
Four people were injured in a string of related bizarre accidents. Sherry Moeller was admitted with a head wound caused
by flying masonry, Tim Vegas was diagnosed with a mild case of whiplash and contusions on his chest, arms and face, Bryan
Corcoran suffered torn gum tissue, and Pamela Klesick's first two fingers of her right hand had been bitten off. Moeller had
just dropped her husband off for his first day of work and, in addition to a good-bye kiss, she flashed her breasts at him
"I'm still not sure why I did it," she said later "I was really close to the car,so Ididn't think anyone would see besides,
it couldn't have been for more than two seconds". However, cab driver Vegas did see and lost control of his cab, running over
the curb and into the corner of the Johnson Medical Building. Inside, Klesick, a dental technician, was cleaning Corcoran's
teeth. The crash of the cab against the building making her jump, tearing Corcoran's gums with a cleaning pick. In shock,
he bit down, severing two fingers from Klesick's hand. Moeller's wound was caused by a falling piece of the medical building.
TAOS, NM - A woman went to a poison control center after eating three birth-control vaginal inserts. Her English was so
bad she had to draw a picture describing how she believed she had poisoned herself. A translator arrived shortly thereafter
and confirmed doctors' suspicions. Marie Valishnokov thought the inserts were some kind of candy or gum, being unable to read
the foil wrappers After the third one, she realized something was wrong when her throat and mouth began to fill with a sour-tasting
foam. She ran for the Poison Control Center, only a few blocks away where doctors were able to flush the foam from her mouth,
throat and stomach with no ill effects
La Grange, GA - Attorney Antonio Mendoza was released from a trauma center after having a cell phone removed from his rectum.
"My dog drags the thing all over the house," he said later "He must have dragged it into the shower. I slipped on the tile,
tripped against the dog and sat down right on he thing". The extraction took more than three hours due to the fact that the
cover to Mr Mendoza's phone had opened during insertion. "He was a real trooper during the entire episode," said Dr Dennis
Crobe. "Tony just cracked jokes and really seemed to be enjoying himself. Three times during the extraction his phone rang
and each time, he made jokes about it that just had us rolling on the floor. By the time we finished, we really did expect
to find an answering machine in there"
TACOMA, WA - Kerry Bingham, had been drinking with several friends when one of them said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped
from the Tacoma Narrows Bridge in the middle of traffic. The conversation grew more heated and at least 10 men trooped along
the walkway of the bridge at 4:30 am. Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge they discovered that no one had brought bungee
rope. Bingham, who had continued drinking, volunteered and pointed out that a coil of lineman's cable lay nearby. One end
of the cable was secured around Bingham's leg and the other end was tied to the bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet before the
cable tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle. He miraculously survived his fall into the icy river water and was rescued
by two nearby fishermen. "All I can say," said Bingham, "is that God was watching out for me on that night. There's just no
other explanation for it " Bingham's foot was never located
BREMERTON, WA - Christopher Coulter and his wife, Emily, were engaging in bondage games when Christopher suggested spreading
peanut butter on his genitals and letting Rudy, their Irish Setter, lick them clean. Sadly, Rudy lost control and began tearing
at Christopher's penis and testicles. Rudy refused to obey commands and a panicked Emily threw a half-gallon bottle of perfume
at the dog. The bottle broke, covering the dog and Christopher with perfume. Startled, Rudy leaped back, tearing away the
penis. While trying to get her unconscious husband in the car to take him to the hospital, Emily fell twice, injuring her
wrist and ankle. Christopher's penis was in a styrofoam ice cooler. "Chris is just plain lucky, "said the surgeon who spent
eight hours reattaching the penis "Believe it or not, the perfume turned out to be very fortuitous. The high alcohol content,
which must have been excruciatingly painful, helped sterilize the wound. Also, aside from its being removed, the damage caused
by the dog's teeth to the penis per se is minimal. It's really a very stringy piece of flesh. Mr Coulter stands an excellent
chance of regaining the use of his limb because of this". Washington Animal Control has no plans to seize Rudy.